It is hard to know when to leave something behind, sometimes it isn’t your choice, sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes you don’t even realise you have said your last goodbye until it is too late. Goodbye is such an everyday word that it sounds meaningless when you say it out loud – but that word holds your release.
Love is a strange thing, it continuously comes and goes from our lives; it can make us happy, or it can break us. When we are young, more often than not, we have to learn to say goodbye – to leave them behind and bring meaning back to that word.
I recently wrote a song about how a part of me knew, when we said goodbye last, it really would be our last. It was an odd feeling, I couldn’t quite pin point the reason why, but now I know.
“So many things left unsaid,
So many thing I regret,
I write a letter in my head, every time I go to bed,
But the words I want to say, never see the light of day,
If I could I’d tell you I love you,
If I could I’d reach out and touch you,
And tell you,
This would be our last goodbye,
So this is the letter, I never wrote you,
Because I was too afraid every word I’d say,
Was gunna come true, and I didn’t want to loose you,
These are the words that I never spoke out loud,
I was terrified of how they sounded,
But why did I wait,
Cause now it’s too late.”
There is still so much that I never got the chance to say to you, but maybe that was because you didn’t want to hear it, or because you didn’t deserve to hear it. Whilst there are things that I regret, meeting you isn’t one of them, because you taught me so much in life – good and bad.
Sometimes you just know that your story has to end, you can drag it on, add as many sequels as you want, but sometimes you just know there is an ending. The best thing about this is when you are the one that knows, you get to write your own ending. I wasn’t sure why I chose then, at that place, at that time and I am still not sure why I never told you that was the end, maybe because we both knew, maybe because I still didn’t want to believe it.
I didn’t know someone else was going to walk into my life, I didn’t think I could feel again after you, but I do. It’s not the same; it’s different and I am learning that change is often a good thing.
As I walked home that night with tears in my eyes, replaying over and over in my head the silent goodbye we shared, you took a part of me with you. Some things are out of our control, so make sure to use the control we do have over our lives. I knew it would be hard, but I knew it was right, I knew I loved you, but you wouldn’t fight.
I am lucky that I had something so incredible that made saying goodbye so hard, but I am also lucky that I saw everything clearly enough to say it.
Learn from every goodbye in life, learn how to turn them into positive things. Don’t call it a mistake, call it learning. Don’t rush it. You are the most important person. You don’t know who or what might be around the corner. So if you’re ready, say goodbye today, to something you have been holding onto for months, years…let it go so you have room to embrace something better, something or someone that you deserve.